Tag Archives: #weareallone

Joy By Proxy

When I started my Bollywood Dance Class – I had no idea that it would be so much more than just dancing or driving Monday Blues away as I said on my website. What do I mean by this?

One of my very first clients was a hen night or Bachelorette party. It was the bride and her friends who wanted to learn a Bollywood Dance. It was my first time doing such an event – I planned it like a project manager would – Steps/ timings/ music etc. What I did not account for was the priceless joy of being included in somebody’s celebrations. The joy I felt was not dampened by being behind the scenes; on the contrary, it was freeing.

Since then, I have had numerous occasions to be a small part of other people’s celebrations. Like a boyfriend wanting to propose to his girlfriend at the end of the dance as a surprise, couples preparing for their wedding dance, parents planning to surprise their children with a special dance or children planning a surprise for their parent’s anniversary. The list is endless.

Joy or happiness by itself is free, and it is not the property of any one person. There is no such law that says that a person who is getting married is happier than her best friend. Only we can determine our level of happiness. 

Today, I taught a charming song to a lovely couple who are getting ready for their wedding. And I felt so much peace and joy, watching them enjoy the dance and bond between them. Technically speaking all I am doing is teaching them a series of hand and leg movements. There is no I or Me involved here at all.

What stops me feeling joy at hearing somebody else’s promotion or success? There are other situations where other happiness or celebration can be the cause of suffering. The answer to that is capital I. The minute we add I to anything pain begins – it becomes all about them and us. We are disconnected and view ourselves as separate beings. And once we do that it becomes a zero-sum world, more for them means less for them.

I just watched The Report on Amazon Prime about torture done by the CIA. And in that Dan Jones says, ‘But fear and shame do not make for better policy decisions and the fact that the people who we captured didn’t look like us or believe the same things we do, made it that much easier to do the things we did.’ 

The day we realize that Joy, by proxy, is the same as Joy by oneness or connectedness is the day we leap the next level of consciousness. If it is possible for us to experience Joy by watching others when we are not personally involved in it, it is possible for all of us to have the connection. We have to expand our circle of who is included in the I.

How will you experience connectedness today?

Beyond Borders

As some of you know, I teach Bollywood Dance once a week. My students are from varied backgrounds, some Indian – some American, Spanish, Korean…The songs are in Hindi – the national language of India. So, the students regardless of whether they know the language or not dance to the music.

I was telling my parents about this really cool Tamil (Another Indian Language) song – Koova Koova which one of my students requested that we dance to. My dad’s comment was, “Well, you don’t know Tamil that well.” And that got me thinking about how students in my class do not understand the language but still love and enjoy the dance. The tagline for my dance company email is “Dance is the language of the soul.”

Some things in life cross boundaries set by humans and dancing, music, art – anything of a creative nature falls in that category.

Even if you don’t know how to say Hello – a small smile with a nod does it usually.

Human Emotions are universal. Anger is anger – there is no millionaire anger and poor man’s anger. Human emotions are the same – whether you are a Hindu, or a Catholic or Jewish – we all feel the same emotions. The anguish of heartbreak, sadness at leaving a loved one, loss of a close one – we all go through the same feelings. Laughter is universal – even if you don’t understand the language, there is something about humor that catches on. Love of a mom in India and love of a mom in Europe are not different – they are the same. These emotions bring us together, and they bring us down to earth where we are all born equal regardless of human-made boundaries like race, caste, religion, sex, wealth, etc.

Suffering is also universal. Let’s say you are a millionaire who is upset that one of his jets has a dent and let’say you are a struggling low-income father trying to feed his family. Both of them are suffering – the pain and anguish that each one of them feels are real. We have decided that food is a basic need, and hence the suffering is more significant for the father – but the tug in your heart when your desire is not met is the same for all humans.

All of the humanity shares these common threads. Instead of focusing on what is common we tend to focus on our differences. I wonder why that is? Is it because of human conditioning? Is it because of Media? Is it because – ‘this is the way things are?’ I don’t know but it makes me wonder does the answer to the question matter as much as awareness of the fact that we have a lot more common going on for us than differences.

Once we become aware – our actions will follow. We will look at the person cutting ahead of us in the queue and think back to the time we did that too. We will look at the person talking loudly on the phone and realize that I felt anger and irritated also.

And if you are one of the very few perfect role models in our world, then something that Buddha said might come in handy. “We have no right to judge somebody else because we have spent so many countless births in the human condition that we have played all roles from beggar to King, thief to a constable, male to female.”

Space you come from

My parents were visiting me in London while I was working for British Telecom. It was around that time when I had told my parents that Adam and I wanted to get married. We were discussing the details and we had an disagreement. I remember my mom walked off and I was so angry that I was pacing back and forth in the living room in St.Johnswood flat. I was talking non-stop and what I remember is that my dad just stayed there quietly holding the space. He didn’t say anything but it was very obvious to me that he knew that I was going through a phase and that’s not who I am. And I remember being aware of it so clearly and I calmed down.

The space where my dad was coming from was the key here – he didn’t say anything but it was very clear to me that he knew that angry person was not me and it was a phase. There have been many other instances where my dad has just listened to me and not been judgemental about anything. He never told me what to do (mostly) and maybe that’s why I would tell him everything and value is opinion a little bit more than others.

The space you come from can have an profound impact. And its very hard as it feels as if you are not doing anything. One of the hardest things to do is to watch the ones you care about make mistakes and knowing that all you can do is to be there to support them – they have to go through that path for them to grow. It is hard not jumping in and telling them to stop.You can try but it won’t stop them from doing it in fact they might move away from you. In fact you might even slow down their path to growth.

In order for you to be holding the space you need to be in a position where you are not thinking about yourself because if you do then the space becomes polluted – its hard as we are all selfish at out core. The difference here is that the selfishness goes beyond just the I – the other person is included in your I. It is also grounded in the belief that we are all one at the core and all this dramas that we have are just passing phases for some these phases last really long,for some they last only an instant and for some they don’t exist.

It’s like we are all part of the ocean but when we become waves we forget that we are part of the ocean. It’s the recognition that we are all one – there is no difference.

So, lots of themes in this blog
1. Space you are coming from.
2. Reserving judgement on others as you know this is just a phase
3. We are one at the core where we are beyond all the dramas we create.