Imagine an elastic thread being pulled at both ends – when the first round of pulling happens, it’s okay; after all, that is the purpose, right? The second round of pulling is still good, but with more rounds, there has to be a point where the thread snaps in two. 

Step so far outside your comfort zone that you forget how to get back.

Sometimes, my tolerance limit for how much I can take is like this thread – except I seem to be starting with a new or stronger thread every time. My limits have expanded, and I am sure every breakage only results in more strength. The period between a break and a new thread starting is just painful. Before you snap, you can feel the pull on both sides; the snap is obviously painful and starting fresh is also hard (See one of my previous blogs for level up in life)

Before we go any further, let me explain what I mean by snapping or tolerance limits. Most of this is related to work, which occupies most of my mind. At work, it is perfect chaos, and believe it or not, I chose the current role because I wanted a challenge. So, where is the pull coming from? Disclaimer: I am using my creative license as a user to embellish the following.

First, my team – most of the tasks they take become more complicated, require re-work or take so long that you must get outside help. They are rarely done right the first time around. And they have been doing this for three to four years. Imagine doing something every week, month, quarter and even after years. It is taking forever. Whenever something is not working, I am shocked at the reason – no checklist or root cause analysis.

It’s only after you have stepped out of your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.

Second, my business partners are a little low on the appreciation and trust side and high on finding faults when it comes to me/technology. And like all businesses, they seem to treat technology as an order taker—we will tell you what to do and dismiss any doubts/concerns you have. And when things go wrong, it is your fault. Sometimes, it feels like double standards – they can have a crucial personnel risk, but they want me to have a solid plan for the critical person risk on my end.

 And regarding my leadership, let’s say they require some upward management. I cannot test my code—I need some second eyes. If that is not enough, it feels like I find my problem, give them the solution, and follow up to see if it was solved.

This blog allows me to process my thoughts so you get the unfettered version of mind chatter. And it is exhausting – and none of them laugh or joke. They show up, do work and move on. I try to bring the humour and personal life in, but it is a one-person show. I feel like I have no relief from any corner. In Vipassana meditation, Goenka Ji says that sometimes in life, you will be pushed to a corner and have to make peace there. I am forced into a corner and acutely aware I am not at peace.

Five people have had my job in the past five years, and I am in my eighth month (hence this blog)—only time will tell what will happen in another four months. I know I am not a quitter and that the universe has a lesson for me in this—and once I learn the bloody lesson(s), this situation will change. However, the issue is a constant expansion of my limits regarding what I can absorb while maintaining my inner peace. This is my learning ground – right here, right now, and I have to make peace with this before moving on. One breath at a time – and making time for self-care. Awareness that is peeping through this blog.

What do you do when you are pushed to a corner?

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