I was a born rebel—one of those rebelling without a cause. Do not ask me why, but if you ask me to do something, my first instinct is not to do it, even though I will do it eventually. I have always been making my own rules – rules are meant to be broken sort of mentality. Underneath it all is knowing that I am trying to break free of some constraints. The constraining situation may change, but the underlying feeling remains the same. The frustration or helplessness that things are not the way I want them to be.
As I have done in numerous previous blogs, one can argue that – the above feeling is precisely what makes us human. It is the human predicament. And I may have uncovered another layer of onion while listening to one of Ram Dass’s lectures. He talks about when we are born, we are disconnected from the universe/god, where there are no constraints because there is only one. Goenka Ji in Vipassana also says that a baby first cries because it wants – air. There are wants, needs, desires and constraints of the human form. So, in some ways, birth itself is suffering – because we are not formless but stuck in a form. And that change is hard, and for people like me, maybe we are still rebelling against that – against being born in the first place. Whatever I do in this human form, things will never go my way – unpleasant things will happen, and pleasant things will go away. And I rebel against that – a part of me does not want that to happen. The part of human existence is to not just make peace with it but to enjoy it – because that is why we took human birth in the very first place, maybe.
This might be out there for some of you, but there is some truth here that I want to explore – hence this very blog. When I heard Ram Dass mention it, something resonated within me. There was a moment of clarity when I realized that my problems were not the people or processes around me but my rebellion against things not working the way I wanted. So when external circumstances do not go my way – I rebel, which is ok, but I need to go inside to see what is happening with my body. It is not one or the other but both. That is the very definition of a human being – a being having a human experience. Only when we can live in those two worlds can we be in balance! Maybe the rebellion inside of me is a sign that I need to anchor to the beingness in me as well. And all these years, I have worn it as a badge of honour in my human existence, and now I need to add a witness to that experience.
We are unique because we can observe ourselves in action – we are aware that other living beings like animals and trees lack. For them, there is just being. As humans, we need to exercise our choice to be.
How are you planning to or already exercising your choice to be?