As some of you know, I took on a new role at work and completed six months on Jan 25th with great appreciation for what I accomplished. So, when I found the words ‘I am afraid of failing’ coming out of my mouth, I had to step back and see what was happening.

The universe send us exactly what we are ready for at the exact time we need it in our lives

This role has challenged me in ways I never thought possible. I had to dredge the grit from my inner depths I had no idea I had. From reductions in force, to cleaning up the processes, changing the mindset and building credibility – I thought I had seen everything I had to see. 

But the last week has already surpassed those challenges. It is making me realize that there is more left in this new level at work – it’s not done yet. I finally admitted that I find this role a bit overwhelming and daunting. Once I accepted how I was feeling, I naturally asked why. What arose in me was that I could make a difference and leave a lasting impact for once in my life through this role. With that realization, I started taking things too personally. I started thinking from the space of Ego and not Stillness. Stress, anxiety and fear are the symptoms when the Ego takes over. Suddenly, my failure became more important than the work itself. The regular me turns into a big I – and it is always a humbling lesson to realize that I am taking myself too seriously. Sometimes, when I am caught up in the drama of the Ego – things are blown out of proportion when, in reality, it is as simple as putting one step in front of the other.

This time, I was kinder to myself as I realized that the time I spent lost in my Ego was much less than previous times in my life. So, even if it feels like I am back to square one, it is a different level. And that is reassuring- that I am making some progress.

Switching tracks a bit – I did a twenty-day Vipassana meditation course last year, and after a meditation course, things get stirred up. This time, the times when I am trying to control the narrative have reduced significantly compared to when things happen naturally. This transition has been unconscious for the most part – thank you for that! My intellect would have never let that happen as it loves control, even if it is the illusion of control.

So, where am I right now? First, I know that I have been acting from Ego, which has resulted in a daunting and overwhelming reality. Second, I need to continue meditating for one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening. Finally – I cannot stop myself from going off track, but what is more important is getting back on track than preventing it from happening in the first place.

What I am leaving with is Rule No. Six from the book – Art of Possibility by Ben Zander. Rule #6: Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. If you are worried about making a mistake, imagine that a 500-pound cow will fall on your head. 

When I am concerned about failure, it is a reminder to think that “I” have grown out of size, and it is time to move away from being a me-centered universe to being an other-centered universe.

What universe are you in right now?

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