The one thing that is taking root in my psyche is that – Writing, like all creative endeavours or anything good, comes from a different source. That source can be called God, Universe, Faith, etc., but it is not of this world. It is genuinely an out-of-world item that needs me to manifest in this world. In short, writing is an act of faith.
I am not one to believe in such things – at least I started this way, but as I have traversed through life and discovered the creativity in me, I had to acknowledge that there is a kernel of truth here—still not a complete believer, but getting there. At the writing retreat in Santa Fe – the vibe was such that I did not have time to think but be – and the writing that came after that was something else. And after that, I attended silent writing sessions – and it is fascinating what shows up in the paper. When I show up thinking about what I am going to write – it feels so difficult to get it out that I have given up forcing it on paper. Every time, I am amazed at what comes through me if I let it flow. I am in the star-stuck phase where I cannot believe that it actually works – most of the time, and that it is so easy.
Yesterday, in the silent writing session, someone said they had trouble connecting with their main character. And another writer said they usually brainstorm everything they know about the character. I am having similar issues with my male character. What I ended up doing was asking my female character and other characters to tell me what is he like. The moderator commented on how we talk about our characters as people and not as something/someone we can decide about.
When I first heard that – I was like, ‘Yeah, that’s true.’ And then my second thought was, but I am not that type. Then, it dawned on me that even if I wanted to, I could not decide how my character would be, like a law of physics. It is scary and relief at the same time. Scary because there is the fear of what if the magic well from which all of this arises dries off and relief because I don’t have to do the work except write what I hear.
Life is the practice of trusting that the magic well, universe or god is friendly and it wants to manifest in this world. And if you think about it, this is true for almost everything in life. We are all bought into the illusion of control when, in reality, we are like puppets who believe they are the puppeteer. We go through life, but in essence, life comes through us. Life is flowing, and we occasionally pop up in its stream. And as humans do, we tend to make it all about ourselves. Writing and surrendering to life makes us realize that we are a part of the fabric around us. It is a bitter pill to swallow for someone like me who was/is known for her willpower. Writing is helping me get rid of that skin and emerge as a more transparent human through which the being can merge fully.
This blog wrote itself – I am grateful to be the medium through which it appeared. What are you the medium for?