Aki – our Shiba Inu pup, and I had one thing in common, among others. Our snobbery when it came to others of our kind. Aki would stand at the side of the dog park and decide which dog he wanted to hang out with – and he would go for a run with them. And if they ran with him, he’s cool; if not, he would have a romp on his own. His entire time in daycare, he probably had two girlfriends who he would get to run with him. But, if other dogs came over to sniff him – he would do the right things, but there is a line he wouldn’t cross. He had this very limited group of people who were his pack – literally Adam and me. And everybody else just existed – he did have a few connections, but they were few, far and few between.
So, I am also a snob when it comes to other humans. Judge me all you want, but this is how I am built. And I am sure some of you reading the blog resonate with this statement. So what do I mean by this? I have a very tight circle of people I am close to – everybody else exists around the periphery. It’s not that I intentionally do it, but I can’t connect with other people the same way.
There are very few people with whom I click – it’s like there is an instant deeper connection. The type where you are in a room full of people, and somebody says something, and only you two think it funny. Or, you meet, and you are going through the same thing. Or, if you could tell them your worst thoughts, they won’t judge you because they know who you are. The kind where you know you have the net, and they will be there for you no matter what. I don’t think you can get to know people, and this happens. I think it happens, and then you get to know people.
So, I wasn’t like this. In London, I hung out with many ‘friends’, and I always had something to talk or someone to talk about. My theory is I grew out of it. I realized I didn’t want to meet up for the sake of meeting up. I don’t want to make small talk. I would rather spend time with myself than just be there. Don’t get me wrong – I am present in what I do, but it’s not my preference.
I brought up this topic because today at work I had a conversation with a peer which went like this – ‘You know, we would have been great friends if we had met outside of work.’ And her response was, ‘We are friends.’ And she is one of the few people at work which gets me and my work style. She is as silly as me with the same sense of humour. But that got me thinking – it feels odd at my age to ask somebody, ‘Will you be my friend?’ or ‘How do you go about being friends these days?’ Apparently, Gen Z is also facing the same problem during the Pandemic.
The best explanation of why I am a snob when it comes to making friends is what Eckhart Tolle says (it is very soothing to my Ego). He says that people who grow spiritually quickly sometimes lose interest in their previous friendships. Maybe that’s what happened to me, or Maybe not. What I do know is I love solitude – being with myself; what can be better than that?
Are you lonely or Alone?