Monthly Archives: September 2019

How Do I Look?

I have an 11-month-old niece. She is a fascinating creature. She makes me a question and re-think about how I view the world and my mental models around it.

In India, we have a few rituals/customs that have a forgotten significance to them. And a couple of them are piercing kids’ ears regardless of whether they are a boy or a girl. And other is to shave their head and offer the hair to your favourite god or goddess.

My niece is an Australian citizen, so she was about six months old when she got ears pierced and head shaved in India. She expressed her displeasure through crying and screaming but soon after the ordeal was over she was back to her usual self with no recollection of it ever happened.

My niece did not give it a second thought. No questions about how she looked? Will the earring go with her attire? What will people think of her shaven head? Will the hair grow back normally after that? How long will it take for the hair to grow? When can she change her earrings?

Can you imagine doing this as an adult? To begin with, we would have pondered over the decision umpteen times. We would do tons of research beforehand, even read reviews to ensure that we find the right Barber or the Jeweller. It would take us months or years or a lifetime to forget what we did and move one. Even if moved on this would have left a lasting impression on us.

Shaving one’s head, especially if you are a female can leave an impression not only on you but on others around you as well. Ear piercing is more common nowadays, and it is gaining popularity amongst men as well.

At what point in our lives does the identity arise? When do we start concerning ourselves with the way we look, and we start defining who we are with how we look? And more importantly, does it add any value? As we enter the teenager and the young adult phase of our lives, our obsession with our looks reaches a zenith, and then it tends to decline for some. And for some, it is inevitable that reduces the obsession about looks.

Media, Society and Marketing have a big hand to play in this obsession with looks. But we would be foolish to think that it is the sole reason. Our Ego tends to attach itself to the image of how we look, how we fit in, and that is pretty much what drives us to do what we do when it comes to looks.

Researchers once showed the photographs of our supermodels to a remote native tribe and asked the men if they would marry these gorgeous women. Their response was a unanimous NO. ‘She looks as if she is on her deathbed and will not be able to bear any children or do any housework’, was their candid response.

Is your self-identity attached to the way you look?

Forgotten Story

We were lucky enough to meet a lovely couple friend of ours while at the wedding of a common friend in the charming city of Pas Robles. We literally ran into them and decided to have a very relaxing brunch. While the food did a great job of satisfying our appetite, it was the conversation which satisfied our souls.

What caught my attention was the quote that one of our friends mentioned – ‘Life is a story forgotten by its author’. The context was he was talking about his dad, who has senile dementia – so short term memory loss. And his dad was a greatly accomplished man – went to Harvard. And now in some ways, it is unfortunate (or fortunate) that he cannot remember his past. When he mentioned the line – it just caught my attention.

All of us do amazing things in our life for the sole reason that we all live the human predicament. And I am not talking about going to an Ivy school or winning Nobel prize – every one of us has a beautiful life whether we believe it or not is a different story. Each one of us has gone through a unique circumstance that has made us who we are, and the universe loves uniqueness – no two of us are alike. And we end up being attached to what we did or how the society expected us to define ourselves.

I went to London Business School – a prestigious MBA school if you move around in those circles. I was one of the youngest to get admitted to the school, which has a 25% acceptance rate. That means for every 100 students who apply only 25 get selected. And while we lived in London, it was a significant portion of my identity. London Business School defined who I was. And then we moved to Columbus, Ohio, and almost 99% of the people I met were not even aware of the existence of London Business School. I also had one gentleman ask me what an MBA was. I went through an identity crisis during the first few months. And it made me realize that I did not know who I was, honestly. Who I was – was a collection of the places I had been to and my accomplishments. Not having to define myself was freeing, made possible by not having to move in circles where I have to define who I am to gain a place in the societal hierarchy. I still use it when needed but knowing very well that it is not who I am.

We do all these great things and at the end of the day (I mean death) it does not matter. If we were to lose our memory today would what we have done till date matter? Then, the critical question is, what matters? Well, if we lost our memory, then the only thing that matters is the present moment – NOW. Who we are cannot be destroyed by erasing our memories – and most of us have barely started on the journey to understand who we are. Why wait for death or amnesia to begin finding out who we indeed are?

Who Am I?