I Am A Fraud & Artist’s Way

The Artist’s Way is a book by Julia Cameron. It was a lifesaver for me. I grew up in India where getting a job is more important than following your creative instincts. And as an engineer, my mental model was that – being an engineer and artist was impossible.

We are all creative beings, and as my level of awareness increased, I was drawn to express the creativity. And this is where Julia Cameron’s book helped me. I don’t even remember who told me about it, but I am very grateful to that person for introducing Artist’s way to me. It is a 12-week course that takes you on a journey of self-discovery via morning pages, artist’s date, letters to self and others. It felt very foreign but good – something inside of me felt fulfilled.

I cried a lot too, and that for me is not normal.
“Our tears prepare the ground for our future growth. Without this creative moistening, we may remain barren. We must allow the bolt of pain to strike us. Remember, this is useful pain; lightning illuminates.”

And the exercises in the book worked, and I ended up opening up a Bollywood dance class and writing a book called ‘The Lifepod‘. I was very nervous when I published it on Amazon. Even now I feel very unsure when I tell people about the book – it is almost like as if I am a fraud or an imposter. I am afraid that people will find out I am not an author. I am plagued by self-doubts. And it is in times like these that Artist’s way helped me because she explains how creative people feel and most importantly that it is normal to feel that way. It does not matter how confident I am as a program manager at work, but as a writer, I am a budding artist and need a lot of encouragement and appreciation. Any criticism at this point can be jarring to the soul. I protect the artist in me very fiercely.
“To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. JOSEPH CHILTON PEARCE”

I thought that the process would be more natural with my second book – ‘Make Your Life Easy.” It was easier because I felt less of fraud with this genre – I blog about such topics every week, but I am still very vulnerable and scared about how people will view my book. Every time somebody says they are going to read my book – I don’t know whether to happy or scared.
“Remember that even if you have made a truly rotten piece of art, it may be a necessary stepping-stone to your next work. Art matures spasmodically and requires ugly-duckling growth stages.”

I find the creative process fascinating because I created something that did not exist before. Like the email at work, dance I choreograph or even this blog – these things did not live until I became a medium for them and let them flow through me.

“But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to play the piano/ act/paint / write a decent play?”
Yes . . . the same age you will be if you don’t.”

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